Tuesday, 2/12/13

Dear Journal,

Today I had someone videotape my computer literacy class. (Which incorporated a technique that I'm DEFINITELY keeping in my bag of tricks which I'll blog about later, along with maybe a portion of the video..)

I found watching it to be very revealing. I was surprised that I actually looked more confident than I felt. I was less happily surprised to realize that I had completely missed, passed over, and bulldozed a thoughtful comment from one of my students. Perhaps I've discovered the reason that he's beginning to shut down to me. I need to give him time to get his thoughts out, and I need to affirm what he has said and probe him deeper. He is a deep thinker and has a wealth of things to share even if he struggles with social grace to say them. I hope I haven't lost him! Praying for wisdom to get him back..

The most beneficial thing I learned from watching myself is my need to think deeper. I hesitated a lot. I paused longer than was necessary or comfortable. I gave unclear directions. Many responses I gave were vague and indirect. This is because I am not confident in the subject matter myself. This can be remedied. I gave unclear directions and training in canvassing before I became confident enough in the subject matter to be able to give real advice and concise, understandable directions. If I could learn how to do that, I can learn the material I am teaching my students well enough to be able to teach them effectively. In canvassing training, I can meet nearly any question with a story because I have years worth of stories that illustrate just about every aspect of canvassing. I know it backwards and forwards because I have been immersed in it.

This is the secret. I must immerse myself in the subject matter of my classes. This is easy in Bible. It is not difficult for this unit of Computer Literacy either, as I'm teaching PowerPoint and-- well-- I come from a family that eats, drinks, and breathes presentation graphics. That's just what we do. Because I know it well, I can fall back on my knowledge base.

I don't feel this way with my Senior Speech class. I actually somewhat enjoy public speaking myself, though I'm far from confident with it. But I don't know the ins and outs of it. I don't understand it from the ground up so that I know what works and what doesn't, not to mention why. So I wrestled tonight, in sleepless hours, what am I trying to teach them? Why is this really important for them to know? What are the life-altering concepts I want them to take away from this? What do I want them to be when they are finished with this short time I have with them?

I can't expect them to catch a vision as long as I myself don't know what that vision is. I found myself wishing I could go back to take Mrs. Clark's speech class and truly immerse myself in the experience (take more notes and sleep less, maybe?)

Then-- in an electrifying moment of epiphany-- it hit me. I can't go back and retake the speech class I already took, but I can take the one I'm teaching. I can immerse myself in the experience of public speaking, and in the experience I will discover the reasons.

So, when they give a speech in class, I'm going to be preparing and presenting too right along beside them. I'm going to beg them to be tough on me. To get on me for playing with my hair and shifting on my hips like a crazy woman (like I did on the video today.) I'm going to have them point out my failures and make me rework it until the final product is stellar. I'm going to get into this thing, feel it all over like a blind person discovering the world, taste it, smell it, wrestle with it until I understand it.

The next speech class I have opportunity to teach will get it from the ground up, because I know there's ground down there somewhere and I'm going to find it.

And this class? They will be cheated in one sense, because they have a teacher who doesn't really have a clue what she's doing. But perhaps it will benefit them in another sense. Maybe the old adage to "lead by example" is really the effective way after all. Maybe what I model for them in my own fervency and zeal for excellence will motivate them more than anything else I can do at this point. I hope so. Cause if they hit this economy with the amount of push and drive that they have (or don't have!) they are going to ruin themselves in short order.

And that's not going to happen on my watch if I can help it!