How??

I've been getting emails and questions from several people who have been reading these little journals and curious to know more about the techniques and how-to's. I wish I could add more into the actual journal entries but my supervisor has been dropping little hints that I should be practicing my skills in being succinct,  finally she came right out and told me, "NO more than three paragraphs!"

Ok.

So since I can't put all the interesting background info into the journals anymore, I'll post some of it as supplements to the entries.

Teaching is the one profession where stealing is not only allowed, but celebrated and encouraged. Teaching methods are meant to be shared, swapped, stolen and adapted. If something works, grab it and use it yourself. So while I'm learning, I want to start sharing so any of you all can be stealing what I'm learning. 

Here's a section about body language to explain exactly what a "kind but firm smile" is.

Perhaps I shouldn't have referred to it as a smile, because in truth it is not. It is a smile in the sense that it communicates "I love you a lot" but it is not a smile where the corners of the mouth are turned up..

In the words of Fred Jones:

(After explaining the importance of being relaxed while correcting students)

While some teachers will set their jaws while setting limits, others will smile. Sometimes this is a sign of ambivalence as the teacher is torn between "good guy" and "bad guy" roles that have never been sorted out. This body language says, Please forgive me for meaning business. 

But there are other reasons for many of us smiling when our jaws should be relaxed. We often smile without knowing it because the disruptive students cause us to smile.

Smiling is what biologists call a trigger mechanism. When a person smiles at us it triggers our smiling back. It is a mild version of submission behavior known as "greeting behavior."

When we catch students goofing off, they typically look up and give us smiley face-- that ingratiating mixture of mild surprise and feigned innocence that all children use to "get off the hook." "Smiley face" tends to trigger a mild smile from us in response. You may not feel this smile. It is often just a softening of the face around the mouth and eyes that says, everything is okay.

The last thing you want to do while attempting to mean business is to signal students that everything is okay. Rather than shaping up, they relax.

This brings us to a well known story about Queen Victoria, our model for regal behavior. As the story goes, someone at the dinner table told a slightly off-color joke. Since Queen Victoria had little patience for such humour, she looked impassively at the would-be-comedian as the table fell silent. Then she coldly stated to the offending guest the immortal words, "We are not amused." That was the "Royal We," of course.

You would do well to think of yourself as Queen Victoria when attempting to mean business. Relax your jaw. This is no time to give tacit approval to misbehavior by a softening of the face. Nor, does upset serve any constructive purpose. As students go through their little antics to get off the hook; relax, wait, and give them your best Queen Victoria look that says, We are not amused.

Only when the students realize that their antics are getting them nowhere will they consider an alternative strategy. The alternative that you are waiting to see is well understood by students: Get back to work.

I have a clear picture in my mind of my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Haines, describing something to the class in an animated fashion. Larry...did something disruptive on the far side of the room. In mid-sentence, Mrs. Haines stopped and turned her upper body slowly toward Larry as though to say I beg your pardon.

All eyes turned to Larry whose face seemed to say Whoops. As Mrs. Haines waited, Larry came around in his chair and faced forward. After a pause, Mrs. Haines continued as though nothing had happened. Queen Victoria would have been proud.

Mrs. Haines had finesse. She was able to say "no" to Larry's behavior in no uncertain terms with very little effort. She was one of the only teachers I had in elementary school who did not want to kill Larry by the end of the year.

Fred Jones, Tools for Teaching, chapter sixteen, pg 189-191

(Note: HIGHLY recommend this book)

So how can you add "I love you" to the Queen Victoria look? (The "smile" to the "kind and firm")

In canvassing, we learn that if you are thinking "I love you" in your mind, it will show through your eyes. We have micro-expressions in our face that communicate our thoughts to the people who see us.

I've found that thinking "I like you" has a slightly different effect (less sappy perhaps??) and can be even more effective with teenagers than "I love you." Thinking of something that you genuinely like about the kid helps this be more real.

(Note on that: Talking about how much you like the kids you're working with will make it much easier for you to work with them. Our mindsets are shaped by the words that we speak and the attitudes we express. Talking about how much you love your students and what you love about them will put you in the mindset where you can discipline in love. Sometimes your words wiggle their way back to the students' ears too and that makes them feel warm and fuzzy. Students are much more cooperative when they're feeling warm and fuzzy!)

And always, always follow up Queen Victoria with affirmation. Smile warmly once the student "gets back to work" to signify your approval. Give the shoulder a pat/squeeze, or tousle/smooth the hair with your hand if you're close enough.

The big picture of this one I've learned mostly from my teacher Jorge Baute. He is a master at the art of communicating genuine interest and love.

He says teenagers are like a bank account. (I think we all are!) You have to make deposits before you take withdrawals. If you take every opportunity you can to love them, you will be able to be straight with them when you need to because they know you love them.

You can make deposits lots of ways:

• Sticky notes. Just a "hey I'm thinking about you/praying for you/noticed you're not yourself today"note stuck on a desk in passing, in a notebook, or stealthily slipped in the hall with a quick hug. These mean volumes. Pr. Baute used to do this at his job, and when he left, people would take him to their cubicles and show him where they had saved every single sticky note he'd ever given them!
• Notice everything. If a smile isn't quite right for some reason, find a chance to say, "Hey, you doing ok? Just worried about you." If someone does something well, be sure and tell them you liked it.
• Smile at them.
• Call them by name.

Any of the rest of you have tips that work for you when you're working with students/young people? I'm still figuring all this stuff out and the more advice the better!